Questioning the Rules We Live By

"You are a victim of the rules you live by."
--Jenny Holzer

This statement is Jenny Holzer's, a modern artist whose main medium is words, and it is from one of her first notable pieces--Truisms.

The thing about these truisms (there's a long list) is that they always get me churning and mulling--because they do ring true on some level--and because each "truth" is quite complex. Which brings me back here--to the place where I am a victim of the rules I live by.  And as I have started to think about it, I am--and have felt more so recently--which has also left me examining how to be less of a victim here.

The word victim might seem extreme, and I don't love it either, because I certainly don't see myself as a victim, I don't want to see myself that way, and I certainly don't want to be an actual victim--of anything.  If I think of this, though as meaning "hurt by" or "limited by"--so you are hurt or limited by the rules you live by--then the shoe fits, even with this harsh term.  Don't get me wrong--there is some good that comes from having certain rules and being limited by them.  Life has some stability and order and predictability that it wouldn't have if there were no rules.  All of this is to say that having rules isn't so much the problem.  Having unexamined rules, however, is what makes us into victims because we are no longer exercising conscious choice.

How do I know when my rules are unexamined and limiting me? I look to how often my brain tells me I should (or shouldn't) do something.  That sense of obligation points toward being a victim of a rule.  I should clean my house, I should turn off the TV, I should cook at home more often...why?  Because other people might judge me as disorganized or unintelligent or careless with money--because people who have it together, don't live messy lives, because smart people don't watch so much TV,  because healthy people don't eat whole foods take out this often.

When I speak in can'ts and cans as if they are a permanent state of affairs, I am also pretty clear that under them is some rule that is limiting me.  I was training for a 5K last winter and as I went into the last phase to gear up for my first race, a few body parts gave up on me.  I ended up in a good bit of pain, missing the race and with some expensive rehabilitation expenses.  When that all happened, I intended to get back to running as soon as I could.  This December, I found myself saying something about my body not being made to run as the reason I hadn't gone back to it yet.  Somewhere under that was a rule I was living by about my body that has limited me--both because I wasn't running and had been enjoying it until I injured myself and because I wasn't seeing that running or not running for exercise was actually a choice I was making.

As soon as we make something a rule we believe to be TRUE, then we've given up a little of our mental freedom to question the idea, and some mental limitations creep in.  What to do about this?  Pay attention to where you are frustrated or which paths seemed blocked off by a should or can't--and then look for whether there is an underlying assumption of truth--or a rule--that you are living by.  For me, once I can see what my rule is, I can choose whether to break it.