Wanting: An Evolutionary Force

I've been feeling restless lately--unsettled.  And that has shown up in several ways--the parts of my job that I don't love the most are feeling more significant than they really are, I can't finalize a plan about where and when to take my summer vacation, I sometimes can't even sit still and read one thing without my brain jumping around to a long list of to-do's or finding myself physically starting to get up without even knowing where I am going.  Wanting makes me restless--sometimes even before I know what I want--or even that I want something.  There is a deep, instinctive part of us that wants things--our inner "wanter"--and there are reasons we should always be listening for what that part of us is saying--even if the message is a little garbled at times..

That wanter voice will tell us what we have outgrown in our lives and point us toward what we want more of.  The restlessness is sometimes around a specific thing--such as a job or a relationship--or, taken together, several areas where we are restless tell us something we are after.  In my case, I want more freedom than I have right now--and so anything that feels like it restricts that is making me restless--scheduling my vacation feels like limiting the freedom there, the little things in my job make me feel more tied down at work, even sitting still feels like I am being restrained.  Those things are not always true.  There are days, weeks even, where I love sitting down, staying still and reading or where having a really busy and full schedule feels productive.  Right now, however, my body and mind rebel.  Maybe that sounds like a terrible feeling--and I'll admit, it has been frustrating at times, but I'm actually thankful for the restlessness.  It tells me where to set my sights--even when I am not sure what the path there will look like.

The wanter in us is always looking forward, and in that way, it moves us forward.  Speaking concretely, let's say you have an old friend and you have been growing in opposite directions for a while.  You don't enjoy spending time with this person as much as you used to and you have far fewer common interests than you once did.  Your wanter might get restless about this relationships before you are consciously aware that it needs to change. You might find yourself with many reasons not to pick up this person's calls.  You might find yourself avoiding places you might run into her. You might find yourself filling your days with plans without this person--and all before you could ever articulate out loud that you don't want to sustain that friendship as it has been.  Wanting something pulls us forward, toward evolution and change--things we might resist if we were asked to pursue them.  Wanting starts us moving, even when we aren't sure what we are moving toward.  Wanting makes staying still more uncomfortable than going forward.

What's my point?  Cultivate some restlessness.  Look for it, blow a little air on it and see what flares up.  Sure, sometimes we want something totally obvious--those new shoes, a piece of chocolate cake, to go outside on a sunny day--and sometimes it's more subtle than that--a feeling that evolves like a desire for more freedom.  Don't fall into the trap of stamping out those uneasy, restless feelings just because they are complex enough to be slightly fuzzy.  Check them out, explore them.  See what they can tell you--and if you can't make it out yet, keep listening.  Be patient as the picture clears and the image comes into focus.  And don't wait until you have all the how's and why's figured out to move in that direction.