Wednesday morning, I got on the T for the first time since the bombs went off. As I made my way downtown, to get a haircut only blocks from the site of the bombings, I noticed what looked like National Guardsmen on the T platforms. I got off the T at Arlington, because the Copley stop remains closed. There I walked past 2 more military looking officers, a state police officer and a Boston police officer. I got above ground only to see more police directing traffic and pedestrians. I crossed Boylston, walking by at least 20 news vans and lots of lights and cameras to get to Newbury. Famed for its ritzy shopping, even this street was quiet for a beautiful day, with many stores closed and far fewer people than is typical. I passed closed side streets, keeping people away from the actual site of the bombings. I passed a TV cameraman filming two police officers investigating a suspicious bag. I was jarred by the whole experience as I arrived at the salon for a haircut. I was or wasn't less safe than I had been 2 days earlier, but the world seemed less safe than it had been. I questioned my choice to pursue business as usual at this moment.
I had a lot of time to think while I was sitting there at the salon and my mind went back to my morning yoga practice. The teacher said something that had hit home--our desired state of being is expansion. I thought of many examples, all of which seemed to prove this true. I am always looking to learn something new and integrate it into my yoga practice, my teaching practice or my leadership work. I love learning about new ideas and seeing how they connect with what I already know. Going somewhere new or meeting someone new energizes me and sheds new light on my default perspectives and attitudes. Through my coaching work, I see clients who seek expansion in their family lives, their personal relationships, their work, their understanding of themselves. I could go on and on, but suffice to say that I quickly compiled significant evidence to support this idea--it is human nature to seek expansion, what's bigger, what's next.
In the wake of the bombings at the Boston Marathon on Monday, I have found myself instinctively wanting to contract. I have wanted to stay home, to be safe. I have found my thoughts drawn to those closest to me. I have wanted them to stay home, to be safe. I have found myself worrying and getting lost inside scary what-ifs in my brain. Once downtown, I found myself jarred by the reminders of the bombing. All these things close my world down, make it smaller. Fear has made me want to withdraw, to turn in.
So, the question is what to do? As my yoga teacher pointed out, our work is to create the space to expand into. Without the space, the desire is not enough. How do we get back to the natural state of things--our desire to expand, our ability to draw energy and joy from expanding--even in the face of something nasty?
I have been touched by the stories I have heard--a woman given a finisher's medal by a stranger or a mom and her two kids cared for at a medical tent while they waited for their husband/dad to make his way to them. A friend described how she was walking in the rain the day after the Marathon as part of a recovery plan from foot surgery and a car pulled over and the driver asked if she was ok or needed a ride anywhere. Downtown yesterday, I saw an impromptu memorial at the barricades that block Clarendon street--flowers and signs left to remember the victims, to issue a call for peace, to express solidarity with Boston. And then there are the many organized events popping up to walk or run the last mile or the last 5 miles or even to share people's best Marathon memories.
How do we get back to expansion even when there is fear? The answer is to expand anyway, through the fear. All of these stories are about people reaching out instead of closing down. Heck, even running a Marathon is a great example of expansion! These stories all demonstrate the best of human nature, the best of making space, the best of being bigger instead of smaller.
What I refuse to let these bombings take from me is the belief that human beings are basically good. I refuse to let these bombings separate me from my community with a fear of being part of public celebrations--like the Marathon. Because of Monday's events that is a little scary, but more scary is living a life or living in a world where everything is contracted. How will you fight the urge to contract when you feel it? What can you do to create the space to expand? Think about these things--but more importantly go do them. Expand yourself into action today. Getting bigger when it's a challenge will allow you to expand even more down the line, creating the space to grow into.
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