As I drove to work earlier this week, it was snowing--and as the pace of the precipitation was picking up, traffic was slowing down. I was at least two-thirds of the way to work when I ended up behind a large, slow Frito-Lay box truck. I was anxious to get to work as the snow had already added time to my commute. The truck was slowly making his way through the last stretch of a busy street before I could turn off and get to work--and I felt trapped. I started to get frustrated. I couldn't see what could possibly be causing him to go so slowly for so long...and I just wanted to get where I was going. As I sat behind the truck for what felt like too long, I started to realize there had to be a red light up ahead. Whatever originally caused the truck to slow down had led us to a legitimate need to wait. While I sat there, recovering a little patience, a Subaru wagon drove casually up the right where parked cars would normally be and turned down a side street. Then the truck started to move and I realized that giving the driver a bit of space might enable me to see much more of what was happening. I started to back off even more. Several pauses in my journey later, I took a deep breath, exhaled a big sigh, looked at the clock and realized I was still going to get to work on time.
Imagine this whole story as a metaphor. There is something you want--in my case to get to work--and so you are headed toward it--with a specific path in mind and a specific timeline of how long it should take to get there--and maybe some expectations about what the whole journey will look like. Something gets in your way--that Frito-Lay truck. This obstacle slows you down, or prevents you from seeing your path, or following your path, and causes you delays. You too might get frustrated. What's your next move?
A. Be the Subaru wagon--get around the obstacle by taking a different path. This seems like common sense--but I was on my path that morning and I lost sight of my alternatives. I could have gone around the truck too. There are at least three ways to wind through that final neighborhood and get to work. Two things got in my way here: routine and expectations. I have a route I generally take to work. That's my routine. The truck interfered with my routine but I didn't consider changing my routine. I wanted my commute to go as I expected it, as I planned it. Had I been a bit more flexible about either my drive taking longer or taking a different path, I might have saved myself some frustration.
B. Back off and take a bigger view. As I backed off and quit tailgating that truck, I could see more and understand more. I could see that light turn yellow then red. I could see the crossing guard stop the truck for pedestrians to pass. With the extra space, I had a better understanding of what was going on. Every moment is a complex set of interconnected dynamics and sometimes, it's a little space and perspective that we need to really understand a situation and what's in our way. This space and understanding then help us choose a good response.
C. Relax with what is--and I mean this in a "put it all in perspective" sort of way, not a "say everything is fine while you are seething inside and steam is coming out of your ears" sort of way. This is actually about accepting the interplay of your plans and reality. When a difference between these two occurs and I can't accept it, I do things like tailgate and admonish other drivers from inside my car, trying to control the situation or at least getting sucked into it. When I actually relax, I see that often, there's not really a problem--for example that I wasn't even late to work.
It's inevitable that things will sometimes get in the way of the path you mentally lay out--or in my case, physically follow. What's not inevitable is getting irritated by or about this. What's not inevitable is being stuck or trapped because of this. Those are choices--just like going around or backing off or accepting what is.
That's some really great analysis of the situation Becky, and how you rose above it. I enjoyed the post.
ReplyDeleteI've contemplated the same scenario and how it represents how we view life's challenged as well. Here's my take on how to control the moment rather than letting the moment control you- first is to get into the moment and the second is to get out of the moment, and they are not as oppositional as they sound.
For me getting into the moment is to become mindful, a student of the moment. It was probably a beautiful snowy morning as you were driving. Snow falling, people bustling on their way to work. If you can open your perspective maybe you'll notice a shop you never had the chance to before as you scooted by in a hurry to get to work. Maybe there was a building or a scene you'd like to go back and photograph later.
Become a student of life, seeking new opportunities, experiences, and adventures and you will find them everywhere.
A second, and maybe longer term goal, could be to transform your commute away from a means to get to work into its own experience.
Take yourself out of the moment and make it yours. You might think of it as your "me time" before you find yourself tossed into the sea of work and the chaos that comes with it. I have found audio books (specifically Audible.com in my case but many libraries also loan audio books, often free to members) to be a game changer in this regard.
Listening to an engaging book makes the time into valuable personal time for me. In fact, now that I work from home more that is one of the things I miss most- having the time on the morning to think about what I want to and learn something new. I just happen to be making my way to work at the same time. And I have contemplated whether it is a distraction while I am driving but I find that when the need arises I trend to tune out the book and pay attention to traffic instead. I can easily just skip back to what I missed.
Those are my techniques, I'm looking forward to hearing other people's experiences and ideas!